Babylon 5 - Monty Python


Babylon 5/Monty Python -crossover

Aikanaan usenetissä oli mainio kokoelma Monty Python -vivahteisia B5-vitsejä. Valitettavasti monet niistä (monet parhaimmista) spoilaavat, jopa 4. kauden lopuille asti. Tälle sivulle on tarkoitus hiljalleen lisäillä juttuja sitä mukaa kun ne eivät enää spoilaa. Ja jos joku sattuu luovalle tuulelle, saa aina uusia ehdotuksia mailata :-)

And now for something completely different: A Centauri with seven tentacles.

Or the Centauri Ministry of Silly Hair-Dos.

Prosecutor: Mr. Jones, you are accused of publishing a Minbari-Human phrasebook with the intention of disturbing the peace. How do you plead?
Jones: Not guilty.
Prosecutor: Very well. Mr. Jones, could you explain why the Minbari phrase that means "Can you direct me to the spaceport" is translated in your phrasebook as "We should have fried you sorry Hairheads when we had the chance"?
Spoo, spoo, spoo, spoo, spoo, spoo, spoo, spoo,
Lovely spoo, lov-a-ly spoo, lovely spoo, lov-a-ly spoo...

(sävel: Spam, spam, spam...)

Sinclair: One day John, all this will be yours.
Sheridan: You mean the curtains?
Sinclair: No, not the curtains. All that you can see. That will be your kingdom.
Sheridan: But I don't want any of that.
Sinclair: Listen up, I built this space station up from nothing. All there was was space. All the captains said it was daft to build a station in space, but I built it all the same, just to show them. It blew up, so I built a second one. That one blew up. And a third one, and that one blew up. I built a fourth one, that one disappeared in time. But the fifth one stayed. And that's what you're going to get John, the strongest space station in these sectors.
Sheridan: But I don't want any of that. I'd rather...
Sinclair: Rather what?
Sheridan: I'd rather ... just ... SING!

(We won't mention Ivanova's huge... tracts of land. Contributed by Stephen Wilhelm <swilhelm@ox.mc.edu>)

Bridgekeeper: What is your favorite color?
Drazi: Green. No! Purple--AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Sheridan:: On second thought, let's not go to Z'ha'dum. It is a silly place.
Lennier: [Rings triangle] Bring out your dead!
Franklin: [Carrying Markab] Here you go.
Markab: I'm not dead yet.
Lennier: There. He says he's not dead.
Franklin: He'll be stone dead in a moment.
Lurker: We found a telepath! May we space her?
Bester: How do you know she is a telepath?
Lurker: She looks like one!
Bester: Bring her forward.
[Ivanova is dragged forward.]
Ivanova: I am not a telepath, I am not a telepath!
Bester: But you are dressed like one.
Ivanova: They dressed me up this way! And these aren't real antennae, they're false ones.
[Bester looks at lurkers]
Lurker: Well we did do the gloves.
Another Lurker: And the antennae.
Lurker: But she is a telepath!
Bester: How do you know?
Third lurker: She turned me into a Neelix!
Bester: A Neelix?
Third lurker: [Awkward pause] I got better.

(Neelix tunnetaan eräänä Star Trek: Voyagerin vihatuimmista hahmoista.)

Sheridan: And why did this lady fall flat on her back the moment I got her to my quarters?
Zocalo Clerk: The Nightwatch Blonde prefers keeping on her back.
Sinclair: Babylon 5!
Sheridan: Babylon 5!
Garibaldi: Babylon 5!
Ivanova: It's only CGI. [shrugs]
Sheridan: Shhh!
Neroon: The battle is mine. Now stand aside.
Marcus: No it isn't.
Neroon: Look. I've broken two of your ribs. [whack] Make that three.
Marcus: It's only a flesh wound.
Narn: Have you got any breen in this shop at all?
Zocalo Clerk: No, sir. Not a single scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time.
Narn: Sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
Zocalo Clerk: Right-o, sir.
[Narn shoots Zocalo Clerk dead]
Narn: What a senseless waste of human life.
Vir: Don't you swear at my wife.
Narn: I was just asking her to be quiet so that I could hear, Big Hair.
Lyndisty: Don't you call my husband "Big Hair."
Narn: Well he has got big hair.
First Narn: Listen, if you want to join the PFN, you really have to hate the Centauri bad.
Second Narn: I do!
First Narn: Oh, yeah? How much?
Second Narn: A lot!
First Narn: Well, okay, you're in.
It looked grave for Garibaldi. But then suddenly, the costuming supervisor had a fatal heart attack! The dreaded Zarg was no more. The quest for Gray 17 could continue.
Lyndisty: It took us four days to bury that Narn.
Ivanova: Four days to bury a Narn?
Lyndisty: Yes. He wouldn't keep still.
Sheridan: On second thought, let's not go to Z'ha'dum. It is a silly place.
Sheridan: This Vorlon is dead. It has ceased to be. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to its encounter suit, it would be pushing up the spoo! This is an EX-Vorlon!
Zocalo Clerk: Well I'd better replace it.
Sheridan: If you want to get anything done on this station, you have to complain until you're blue in the mouth.